Adjustment

I certainly want to go home but I'm going to be slower than slow. I won't be called "sweetie" but I'll have to do everything myself. I won't be using a bedpan but getting on and off the toilet and bed won't be fun. I won't have therapy sessions but I'll always be concerned about my strength. In the end the pro's and con's aren't equal, home is where the heart is. Even if it seem like a mixed bag. Going home is the goal regardless of when it happens, this week or next, so it may as well be now. I really miss having my computer and youtube shows. I thought a television would be great but I'm not so interested. I guess one misses what one doesn't have.

Finding New/Real Connections

Today I met 2 professionals to whom I gave 1/2 of my business cards. Somehow I new eventually the right people would make themselves known. First was a woman who helps people get connected to attendant care services. She connects many others and totally empathized with my plight. She was happy to hear about Infobility and asked if people could contact me. Second was a social worker who works with another wing in the rehab center. She was impressed and was asked by my caseworker to enroll me with Res Rose Transit and assured me that I'd be eligible by middle to late January. I will not be stuck inside for the entire winter.

"Work on getting better."

People say that phrase a lot to me. What does that even mean? Is it about exercising as much as possible? Is it about praying and asking others to pray for you? For me it means filling my mind up with only positive thoughts and concentrate on the activities I'll be doing once I return. It doesn't work to focus on myself and my operation. If that's the case I'll just go crazy cause this dumb numbness is not going anywhere. Being here is also driving me crazy. Today I was so tired of the usual CNA dialogue that I just bathroomed myself! Why oh why would I concentrate on getting better?

A little bit of help is a really good thing

I was always a very hard thing to accept. My "no" offended many people and lost a lot of possible friends since that's a good way to get to know others. After this situation I know I am starting from wayyyy behind the 8 ball. I know at first if I went to get anywhere I must accept a hand or two. I am determined to change my mindset a bit and be careful not too get to used to it. I will find a happy medium.

Disability 101

Three times Hershey made my life harder because the people never took my disability into account. Rules made no sense and the concept of a wheelchair seemed to be foreign. In one case it was suggested that my wheelchair be left behind. WHAT? In another case they wouldn't transport it with me. WHAT? It felt like it would be baggage on an airplane- if it arrived in another town ....oh well. It seem so easy and logical to implement some lessons into the human resource training. The worksheet on the Ten Commandments of Communicating with People with Disabilities."

Sticks and Stones

Cutesy names stopped bothering me long ago cause I have to pick my battles. I am learning to ignore the "stuff" and concentrate on getting physically stronger. It's not going to change but my reaction can. It's like water off a duck's back. Furthermore, Select Medical won't support me so I won't fight air. I'm concentrating on how to manage my family. They're doting over me, negative and stubborn about what I say and I'm their only daughter so they keep holding on so tight that they're squeezing the life out of me.

Respectful Actions

The CNA's got me sooooo mad because I say please speak to me by my name. Occasionally they would but still treated me the same way. Now, O don't try to give everyone a mini sensitivity lesson. However, I've noticed that the same people who call me pet names hold respectable conversations with me. The wouldn't if they didn't have any respect for me. Also I do things like shower at 4am, sweep the floor when I spill rice, and return my ray. No other patient does that thus my actions shoe respect too. Lately my request was to see my file- they actually can't remember a patient asking to do that. Again, acting in s respectable manner